Options In Divorce

Not all divorces are emotionally and financially draining and take forever to resolve.

Many are, but there are steps you can take to minimize the damage.

First, talk to your spouse (unless you are concerned about violence or other abuse of yourself or a household member.)  Realize that their initial response is likely to be very unpleasant, and keep your cool.  Give them time to adjust to the prospect of a huge change in their life.

Second, if you think it might be helpful, seek counselling, either as a couple or individually.  This is not marriage counselling aimed at resolving issues in the marriage, it is counselling to help you and your spouse come to terms with the impending divorce.

For a different approach, you could consider a divorce coach.

Third, if you are unable to work together to come up with terms for the divorce, both property division and, where applicable, child support and custody, seek the assistance of a mediator. There are mediators who will take low-conflict cases where neither party is represented by counsel.  This can actually make it easier to reach agreement, and it is certainly less expensive that involving attorneys. Here are a couple of mediation firms you might wish to check out:

Mahilani Hiatt, and Family Mediation Hawaii.

Finally, make sure you take advantage of the services offered by the Hawaii State Judiciary.  Find information here.

Each of these steps will take time, but it may be time very well spent.  Not only can it save you money and distress, but you may be able to create or preserve a much better relationship with your ex than would be possible following a contested divorce.

While it will be necessary to file paperwork with the courts to initiate the divorce process, you may find that you are comfortable preparing and submitting it without legal assistance.  The forms can be found here.